Weenie grabbing...

or how my urologic training helps in everyday life...
It's amazing how useful this can be. For example, one of our dogs, Beagle Boy, is a rescue animal. He was given up by a family with lots of kids whose parents really didn't have the time, energy or resources to take care of an animal. He was permanently relegated to the backyard, neglected, teased mercilessly by the children, and even abused. He showed all the classic signs of a previously beaten dog, such as cowering and outright fear when a hand was raised in his vicinity. Poor little thing... he has turned out to be a very sweet and loving dog, and incredibly cute if I might say so myself.

However, his prior tribulation has made him somewhat difficult to housetrain, and he was having frequent accidents at home. He is now much better, but he is prone to the occasional "leaking" whenever he gets startled, or if someone approaches him in a perceived "threatening" manner. He will just start to squirt and will pretty much empty out his bladder once he begins. I don't think it's something over which he has any control.

Now, whenever he starts to soil our condo, I have learned to quickly grab his little doggie weenie, and I will squeeze it shut to prevent a bigger mess. The first time I did this, it was purely a reflex reaction - much to the horror of my husband who has much more delicate sensibilities- and after appraising the absurdity of the situation, we just about fell on the floor laughing. Here I was, a grown woman, tightly holding my little dog's penis between my index and thumb while my husband scrambled to get some towels.

Beagle Boy also has issues with his anal glands. None of my other dogs have ever experienced problems like this. Every once in a while, his glands will not empty naturally, and they have to be expressed manually. This is something that is usually done by a veterinary staff member or a groomer, since it involves putting your finger in the dog's anus and squeezing the glands (two on each side of the anus) simultanously from the inside and the outside to squeeze out the incredibly malodorous secretion. And you've guessed it... I do this myself at home. It's so much easier than taking a trip to the vet's office. (and yes, I do use gloves...) However, no matter how much you may love the little critter, it is a highly unpleasant and, at times, messy endeavour.

My husband will not, or more likely, cannot even contemplate doing this at all. "But you're the urologist...you are used to doing rectal exams all the time..." is his usual reply when I tell him that it's his turn to clean out the glands. And he shudders at the prospect of touching Beagle Boy's little penis, even when the dog is pouring out gallons of urine on the hardwood floor.

So the moral of the story? The "weenie grabbing" and "rectal examining" skills that I have mastered during residency are really paying off...